02 February 2013

Sort-of Snow Day.

We had a couple of snow flurries the other day. So Logan & I suited up and ran outside to snap a few pictures while Robert worked at lightening speed to repair his car before it really started coming down.





 
#1 is one of my favorite photos ever. It's nothing pretty, it's just that Logan looks like he's a "man of the wild" with his stick & all. ;)

23 January 2013

Photos.

 
Logan paying attention to Grandma.

 
He thinks he needs glasses to play his Innotab. ;)


Grandma plays with Humphrey!

 
Logan plays his Innotab with Grandma.

17 January 2013

Terrible Two's.



 
 
This is what our naps have been like lately - non-existent. Logan is at the stage that he doesn't want to do anything; doesn't want to sleep, doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to do anything that he doesn't want to do. He's talking, walking, using the potty (sometimes), but his attitude is becoming a handful. He's very active and very playful, but doesn't listen very well. I feel like I am working harding on making him behave and listen and understand properly more than I am doing anything else.
 
 
On a lighter note, he is very smart. He understands everything - the question is just whether he will comply with what is being said. Robert is very lenient on him and pretty much let him do whatever he wants. I've tried to explain to him that Logan needs to learn "no" and needs to behave, etc., but Robert just let's him do whatever he wants... so all my efforts are pretty much going to waste.
 
 
Robert is in the very initial stages of enlisting into the military. I am hoping that this all works out and he gets the opportunity to do so, because it would mean very good things for us and our family. Please pray for this opportunity for us.

05 January 2013

2013: The Year Of The Snake?

... Not in this house. In this house, it's the year of the Koala. The holiday's were beautiful around our parts, they usually always are. This Christmas was extra cool because it was the first Christmas that Logan was actually excited about "Santa" and was able to open his presents and see how cool the his gifts were. I have tons of photos I'll eventually post - their on my phone.



1 & 2: A sick Logan & Koala.

Now, I'd like to talk about Koala. Koala is everything to Logan. Koala goes to sleep with Logan, he pee-pee's on the potty with Logan, he eats with Logan, he plays with Logan, he even "talks" to Logan. As happy as it makes me, I often feel put on the back burner for Koala.. For example, in these photos, Logan was sick. Instead of wanting to cuddle up on the couch with Mommy, he chose Koala instead. Instead of wanting to sleep in bed with Mommy, he likes to sleep in his bed with Koala. He's growing up so fast and I feel like I need to be slamming on the breaks; unfortunately, there are none. That's one of the biggest realizations I've ever lived in my life. Your baby's eventually grow up. Suck up every second.


17 December 2012

With No Affiliation to Adam Lanza: I am Charissa Herka

 
"Sometimes I'm old enough to keep routine, sometimes I'm child enough to scream." - The Get Up Kids

After reading I Am Adam Lanza's Mother, I felt compelled to write this blog. I am in no way an expert, doctor, therapist, or anything of the like; but I am human, have my own brain and my own heart, that most of the time, work against me. I will not mention any names in this blog to protect the privacy of my loved ones, but I will promise you my sincere emotion. I will be real.

When such tragedy strikes, the nation is compelled to scream out against gun law reform and mental health reform, here and there, but 2 weeks ago, where were they at when their adult child didn't get out of bed for 5 days? Where were they when their oldest son was smoking crack for the last 15 years, and one time, 6 years ago, I begged and pleaded with his parents to help me help him? What was everybody doing then? Not a damn thing. Denying, ignoring, and misunderstanding, to say the least... and then asking me to bail him out of jail..

When your brain is screaming at your skull that it needs to get out, what do you do? Do you laugh, do you cry? Do you listen to everyone tell you your "crazy" or your "not crazy." Do you dope yourself up on medication that is supposed to help, but in reality, only sedates you to be able to sleep it off until tomorrow? Until tomorrow is screaming in your face and your raging and crying and feeling every single emotions trickling down your spine. What then?

You barely have medical insurance to cover an office visit, let alone the $230.00 30-day prescription supply. People have said prison might help with that, but then again, that's prison. Half of the time, the only way an inmate gets to see Mental Health is when they're raging and screaming that they're going to hang themselves in their cell.

When is this going to change? All of this. Mental health care? Prison health care?





24 October 2012

make a change.

I've come to a decent conclusion about my life tonight:

I want to live like Michael Jackson.

He was selfless, really full of life, genuinely kind hearted,
in search of the same peace(inner & outer) that I am, devoted
100% of himself in everything he did, etc.

I'd like to think that I already live like him,
but if I don't, or not up to his capacity,
I'd like to start.

There's always room for change.

30 September 2012

Free day.

Today was a good & free day. By free, I mean, I didn't spend much money. Lately my spending habits have gone through the roof, and I'm trying to cut back.

We went to the park with Diana and son Riley. We had a picnic, in the sun & in the rain. We walked the street fair in Highland Park, had pizza, & then ice cream for a treat.

I always have a good time when I go with Diana, & I don't even have to try. I often feel that I have to actually make an honest attempt to have a good time when I go out with people, tis why most of the time, I stay home. I've always been more of a "home body" than anything, but, more so now.

Not today, though!






1. I play with Logan!
2. Logan picks up a dandelion in the rain.
3. Logan shares a laugh with Riley.
4. We sit on the boat dock & reflect in the water.
5. Riley explores the bike. 

29 September 2012

Myself.

Aveces no me gusta la realidad que puedo ser 18 diferentes personas. Pero, es la realidad. Aveces no me gusta que, ni yo mi mismo, se como siento.. o en que estoy pensando. Tampoco no me gusta la idea que aun eso es posible.. Como es posible que uno puede sentir asi... O no.. o ni sabe..

No me gusta la idea que puedo hablar, escribir, y comprender un idioma extranjero, pero no se como me siento.. Ni siquiera se como dar sentido a mis sentimientos.

...



25 September 2012

September, sort of.

I am so bad with keeping this blog up, but I wish I wasn't. I wish this blog was even half of the blogs that I frequent - such bold and beautifully painted portraits of everybody's beautiful family. As I'm typing this, Logan is napping & Obama is talking in the background on some TV show.

I am starting to make the preparations for Logan's birthday party - it's going to be airplane and map themed. I can't believe he's going to be 2 years old! I feel like yesterday, I was alone, in my hospital bed - just him & I. My mom had went home to sleep and Robert had went home to sleep, too, as he had to work later that day. It was the most frightening but joyous moment of my life. Nothing will ever compare. Nothing will ever relate. Nothing. Nothing is more immense than my love for that kid.

Here are a few photo run downs of the past couple of weeks:







1. We go to lunch with Grandma!
2. Awesome Lizard Converse (5$ @ Target! Score!)
3. Logan washes the car with Grandpa
4. Pretty pictures from Rutgers Garden
5. HUGE chair at Rutgers Garden

30 August 2012

Springing into Fall.

Well, it has been quite a while since I've posted here. Summer swallowed me up and then spit me back out, and Logan, too.

We did a lot of enjoyable things this summer: Virginia Beach (x2), theme parks, local beaches, museums, etc.

We are preparing for fall quickly, and winter, as well. The winters can get pretty hectic here on the East Coast, and despite the fact that I've grown up here my whole life, everytime it happens, it's like something I've never experienced before.

I don't really have too much to say aside from the fact that school is getting intense, but I'm hanging on. Logan is growing and changing so ever beautifully, also. He's talking well, having a lot of fun, but being a very picky eater lately. We're working on that slowly to see where it takes us.





22 June 2012

Blog, Pog, Bog, Dog... Or in my case, "dawg."



Haha.

So, I was reading this blog when Robert says (in the most sarcastic tone) "so, how's your blog coming along?", along with "does anybody read your blog?", and well, the answer is probably "it's not" and "no", but I don't really care. This isn't my job, just something that I like to do in my free time.

With that said, here's the latest:

Logan is pretty much saying things: Mommy, Dad, Koala(his bear that he just loves), get out, let's go, etc. Everything I would have never imagined he would be saying at this age. He is swimming in the pool with swimmies, pretty much on his own. He goes for bike rides with us, he brushes his teeth, and does EVERYTHING I never would have imagined he would ever do. I kind of just thought he would 7 lbs. 2 oz. forever. & ever. & ever. & ever.

Apparently, that's not the case.

On another note, my "girl", bestfriend, whatever you wish to call her, is having a baby too.

That makes me feel all of everything. & then some.

Here's some photos, while I'm at it, too:










We've been enjoying the "summer", although it only started yesterday. ..



16 June 2012

Scholarship Essay: Most Influential Movie on Society

The movie that I think had the most influence in society, from my generation, is The Passion of The Christ (2004). I feel that this movie had such an impact, because our society tends to neglect religion. I feel that the movie was well produced and had a very strong lasting impression on society, demonstrating how Jesus died for our sins. 

The biggest factor towards the impact was the fact that you could actually see what was happening. I feel that society tends to disregard God and religion because, like the old saying goes, "out of sight, out of mind." I think that because the movie visually portrayed all of the questions that many people have, it was very impactful. Growing up, I was never "forced" into believing in God, nor any specific religion, and I can attest that I was one of those people; a "non-believer." After watching the movie, I could feel such a strong sense of negligence on my part, because I was finally able to see and understand everything that I didn't previously believe or know. 

Many critics were quick to judge the movie and the “mistakes” that Mel Gibson made in the movie; scenes that didn’t accurately portray the Bible. A direct quote from an online review states one of the following errors:

“Gibson’s movie begins in the garden of Gethsemane, with the disciples sleeping as Jesus prays for guidance and stomps on a snake that tempts him to avoid his destiny. There are other horrors: a screeching creature that resembles a berserk monkey, demonic children who might have wandered in from "The Exorcist," a bird that plucks out the eyes of crucified men, the gargoyle-like members of King Herod’s court,. . .(Hartl, John. Gibson's 'Passion' is bloody empty.” (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4360578) The author of the article continues to say that one can search all day and all night, but you will not find such silliness in the Bible.

Although there are many other critical reviews of the movie explaining it’s flaws, I think it was an overall excellent movie and had a lasting impact, especially for people who felt like I did, at the time.


Charissa Herka
Liberty University

This scholarship is sponsored by USDish.com.

08 May 2012

Punk Rock.

At some point, I went to some basement store show in Meridian, MS. I ended up meeting the Captian or Commander' son or some shit somewhere in the front of the base. I don't remember what I was doing there, but I was only there once or so...

He didnt like me or not. I guess I was trying to be too "punk rock" at the time. I remember I was afraid to call him, because he only had a land line house phone, & I was afraid to be calling "the Commander's son....."

& It just hit me right now, as I was reading this blog. I've never been able to stay in one place for too long. It seemed to hit me right around the time I was in Meridian, because I hated it. I hated it just as much as I hated New Jersey, hence the reason I enlisted and ended up in Meridian. I did everything I knew I shouldnt- drank alcohol, "fraternized" with a Marine, got a tattoo without getting an approved chit, etc.

Once I arrived in Virginia, & life was good again, I missed Meridian. I wanted to go back. I knew I never really would, but I wanted to. Actually, before the move back to Jersey this past June, I contemplated taking a job @ the jail, and I most definately would have if the pay was higher than $8.75. And I'm at the same point now, I had New Jersey again.. still, whatever you want to call it. It's the sickest love/hate relationship you've ever seen.

The calmest most serene I've ever been was Arizona, well, since Virgina.

I think the desert needs me more than it needs the rain.

Or maybe I need the desert more than I need anything.

Not sure.

Time will tell, though. It always does.


28 April 2012

What A Day This Year Has Been.


So, this whole east-coast living thing hasnt necessarily been going as planned. For lack of better words, I hate it. It has it's pro's, but I'm starting to think the con's are out-weighing the pro's. Of course, theres my family, who loves Logan and whom Logan absolutely adores, but, something is missing.

In Arizona, everything pretty much always went as planned. Everything. Until, that is, Logan was born. His grandparents in Arizona aren't necessarily the "best", and it scared/frightened/nerve-wrecked me, until I had to get out. With that said, I've got it under control now. I know what I'm doing and I know how to stand my ground when it comes to my child, and I want to take my stand now. I want to go back. Yes, I will miss mommy and daddy and I'm sure Logan will do, but I think this is the best decision for our family.

We will own our house, we will have our jobs secured with decent salaries. I think this is a go.



09 April 2012

Easter!


Yesterday we celebrated Easter! We hunted for eggs, opened our baskets, and ate yummy ham!

The Easter bunny brought Logan lots of goodies including bubbles, books, a football, new sandals, and other things for summer.

It is now 0700 on Monday and all of yesterday's eggs are being thrown around Grandmas house!

03 April 2012

Spring Fling.


My boy was extra happy today. We played and laughed a lot. We read a lot of books. I hope Logan will like books because he is very smart. It is my hope that he will become a scholar one day and pursue his education until he possibly cant anymore; that's my hope for myself too.

This weekend is Easter. We will have an Easter egg hunt @ Grandma and Grandpas house too and visit with the Easter bunny!

I hope we can make it to church, also. I've been praying for good things to come our way a lot lately, too.

19 March 2012

H2O.


Anything that has to do with water, my kids all for it. Today, I showed him how water comes out of a hose and then sprayed a little on him, & he absolutely had a ball. He wouldn't put the hose down for nothing... I had to convince him to come inside so he could do another fun filled water activity - take a bath!

I can already tell, this is gonna be my year!

<3

18 March 2012

Sunshine Boy.



Today was our second time this year playing ball @ the park. My boy loves his ball. He's even mastered the art of kicking it. It fills my heart with such love to see what great spirit this boy has in him.

I always think of the James Taylor song "Shiny, Happy, People" or whatever it's called, when I think of him. Nothing puts him in bad spirits, and even the littlest things make him ecstatic.

When Dad went to work his part time today, we basked in the sun on the green grass outside the Art Museum. I've wanted all my life to live in a city, and now I remember why. We can walk one block west and one block south and be in the heart of it all. And Logan loves it!

I hope everyone has just as much of a happy St. Patrick's Day as we did.

11 March 2012

Memories.

When me & my girl (yes, my girl. My only girl) were younger, we burrows dead birds, hoaxes my golden retriever back into the yard, attempted every DIY project known to man(& tore up her mothers kitchen @ that).

We played in the stream that ran down the road after the rain, only to learn it was urine water....

We took pictures, played with wallow talkies, ate jolly ranchers by the pound, ate bagel dogs by the truckload, and drank Pepsi by the gallon.

We're just as busy now as we were then, & it's a shame that we can't see each other everyday because we're "adults" now. Her and I will never be adults, at least not to each other. She will always have the spirit that she had @ 7... When I made her jump off my deck into the pool, or when we would burn paper in the microwave. ... Or hang out with lesbian drummers. ..

That's what life is to me. Everything we did. & everything we did, we did together. I have a son of my own now, she has nephews, but that shouldn't change. They should do exactly what we did. And when she has her own, they should too.

We'd take pictures with our Pocohantas camera with lesbians kissing in the background. But hey , sometimes that's life. I am not saying my son should literally do that, but I should stop worrying about who he will be and focus on what he wants to be, on his terms.

I'm also saying that I miss my girl *.
;(

29 January 2012

Life boat.



"& i didnt really want a baby,
& i guess i had a choice,
but i just let it grow inside of me,
this persistent little voice.
& i guess i got her off & running,
& run off is what she did.
& thats part of what i think about,
i think about that kid."

- a. difranco


Logan Robert:

You are indeed the biggest blessing that has ever graced me. & I try everyday of my life, with my entire being, to be everything you need. I've been working for the last 10 days straight. I know you feel it. I know you miss me. I know. I feel it, too. I'm sorry. I'm attempting to save the money that we need as fast as possible, to get on with the show. I'm trying to learn the new job quicker than I should, just so it doesn't take much more of a strain. I will do anything for you. Anything. Please, work with me. Have patience. Love me. Know that I'm only doing it for you.

I love you, chickitini. 







20 January 2012

Snow Days.


Well, its supposed to be snowing & its pretty much not. I'm not sure why because it ALWAYS snows when it says it will. One of the reasons I moved back to the East Coast was so my son could know seasons.. . So he could experience life as I knew it. It snowed once this year... In October...

I'm starting a new job on Monday & although the pay is great, my anxiety is setting in just as I imagined. I'm still going to work my part-time on the weekend to be able to save more money for the house, so I'm pretty sure the next few months will I'll be running on empty (by the way - thats a good song by Jackson Browne). This Apologetics class I am taking I am taking is really teaching me alot of things I've never been taught about religion, God, and our creation and I am really trying to put all my Faith in God that I can make all my hopes and dreams come true. I never give up; I never really have, either. Although it will be alot of work - parenting, ful time job & full time school, I know I can do it. Ive done alot more than alot of the people I know, and hope to be able to continue to.

On that note, I'm going to do some work, homework & wait for the snow.

17 January 2012

Oooh.


All day this boy half-way walks around this house saying "oooh, oooh". Sometimes it sounds like he's excited about something hes discovered, other times it sounds like somebody is in trouble for sonething they did wrong. Nonetheless, it is funny.

On another note, all my thoughts an prayers go out to baby Tripp, who eent to be with the Lord on Saturday. 2.5 years on this earth living with E.B. If you dont know what that is, you can read more about his amazing story with such an illness. Words can never express the sympathy I feel for his family.

You can read more about Tripp here: randycourtneytripproth.blogspot.com/

09 January 2012

Laundromat Love.

Im @ the laundromat. Logan & daddy are home sleeping. Sometimes, Im a night owl & this is what I do for "fun". I was always intrigued by going to do laundry @ all hours of the night because its almost like a safe haven, or a party. Either or. & you never know until you get there.

07 January 2012

New Year. New things.

Well, the holidays are obviously over, and the real routine has started to kick back in. Thank God. We celebrated my Sunshine Boy's 1st birthday and it was a blast! We also celebrated Christmas, which was pehnomenal. New Year's, not so much because I had to work, and Daddy doesn't stay up with Logan that late :)

I start my schooling in a week, so things should pick right back up real soon. We have also been on the hunt to buy our own home. In this market, it makes no sense to struggle to make ends meet, when we really don't have to.

Pictures to follow, when I get out of work.

27 November 2011

Gratitude & Mercy


I couldn't be more thankful for what this year has brought to me - more life changing events than I ever really comprehend. Everything seems to be going well in my own little family - Mommy, Daddy, and the love of my life, Logan. My immediate family (parents, siblings, etc.) have shown me a side that I've never seen, nor expected in all of my 25 years. While I am so ever thankful for them, I couldn't be more disappointed.

My mother is a "functioning" alcoholic. I use that term lightly because that's bullshit (pardon my French). Addiction is addiction and addiction is an excuse. The poor mans excuse in life.
My sister is one lost soul, and I've learned the hard way in life, the same way she is, & I chose not to be around that, because I know the outcome, & I'll pass on living that life again. My brother, also. He's on a more destructive path than my sister I would say, but we'll see.

I feel like I was lied to by the only people I ever trusted. I left my American Dream life for them, & most of the time I just feel like I want to go "home". Home as in there, not here.
I could get my dream job back if I return sooner than 2 years and although my family won't be around, I don't feel like they already really are. Everybody's too interested in their diseases and addictions and obsessions to take the time to realize what's really going on. It's a very sad picture, especially because it affests my son. My son.. The only person that I will ever really have and trust and love and all those things will be reciprocated.

In all honesty, life is getting hard. Real hard. I work 2 different shifts every week, I live an hour away from my job, I am a full time student, I am a wife, and most importantly I am a mother. All those things mixed together makes for difficulty times 3. But so far, it works. And I get by, and we get by. & I just keep trying to move forward.

This isn't the kind of post I would like to write, but it is the truth, and I don't like to sugar coat anything, especially for my own brain & the difficulty I have swallowing truths like this.

But I guess, where there's a will, there's a way..


I hope everyone who reads this had a Happy Thanksgiving. Despite all this, I did and am so thankful for all I have.

18 November 2011

Formal Education.

I'm happy to announce that after applying to my higher education institute of choice, I have been formally accepted to Liberty University for Spring '12 semester. I cannot wait to start!

13 November 2011

iPhone love.

I've been using the iPhone since its first release & I've pretty much used it for simple tasks. Now that I've upgraded to the new one and life has become a bit hectic, I've taken full advantage of it. I pay my bills, get bill notifications, organize my daily tasks, organize and complete my homework, etc.

I must say, I now truly love this device.

12 November 2011

Work.



I feel like some kind of IT when Im at work. There are so many computers and gadgets, and I have no idea what half of them do. On the other hand, there are alot of security related issues - like the location of that fire extinguisher and our lack of an automatic defibrillator (AED). It amazes me how my job oriented priorities have changed since working corrections. Haha.